North Indian Hindu wedding checklist

The first formal 'yes' between the two families, usually a small gathering at the bride's home with sweets, blessings and sometimes rings.

Why it's done. Roka means 'to stop': the search for a match is over, and the two families formally say yes to each other. Exchanging sweets and fruit marks the start of a bond between the two families, not just the couple. Many families now combine roka and sagai into one gathering.

• Buy the rings, if rings are exchanged at roka

  Each side usually buys the ring for the other partner. Get the ring size quietly in advance; resizing takes 1–2 weeks.

  5 weeks beforeBoth familiesClothes & jewellery
• Confirm the roka date and time with the pandit

  Ask the family pandit for a good day and time. Many families also ask him to shortlist wedding muhurat dates at the same visit.

  4 weeks beforeBoth families₹5k–20k (approx., platform rates)Ritual
• Agree with the other family who hosts and who comes

  Roka is usually close family only. Agree the head-count on both sides early so neither family feels let down.

  3 weeks beforeBoth familiesGuests
• Choose roka outfits for the couple and parents

  Something festive but simple. Keep the heavier outfits for the wedding days.

  3 weeks beforeBoth familiesClothes & jewellery
• Order sweets, dry-fruit and fruit baskets

  Order mithai and dry-fruit baskets from a trusted halwai. Families often forget a few extra boxes for neighbours and late guests.

  7 days beforeBoth familiesFood
• Prepare the roka puja thaal

  Roli, rice, a diya, sweets and a coconut. Ask the pandit if he needs anything else for the puja.

  2 days beforeBoth familiesRitual
• Give shagun to the couple (optional) optional

  Elders bless the couple with a small shagun. This is a blessing, both ways, and entirely up to the family.

  On the dayBoth familiesGifts

The engagement: rings are exchanged in front of both families, often with a small puja and dinner.

Why it's done. The sagai or mangni is the engagement. The groom's family traditionally visits with sweets and gifts, and the couple exchange rings in front of both families to make their promise to each other public.

• Confirm the sagai muhurat with the pandit

  If roka already had a ring exchange, many families skip a separate sagai.

  6 weeks beforeBoth familiesRitual
• Order the engagement rings

  Allow 3–6 weeks for custom rings, plus time for resizing.

  6 weeks beforeBoth familiesClothes & jewellery
• Plan the couple's sagai outfits

  Coordinate colours for the photos. The bride's outfit should be comfortable for a long evening.

  6 weeks beforeBoth familiesClothes & jewellery
• Plan the sagai dinner menu

  A smaller menu than the wedding. Ask the caterer for one or two family favourites.

  3 weeks beforeBoth familiesFood
• Arrange the ring platters and puja thaal

  Decorated ring platters, a Ganesh puja thaal and garlands if your family uses them.

  3 days beforeBoth familiesDecor
• Exchange shagun between families (optional) optional

  Elders of both sides may bless the couple. Keep it simple and two-way.

  On the dayBoth familiesGifts

The bride's father, brothers and male elders visit the groom's home and apply tilak on his forehead to formally accept him. Common in UP; many Delhi families skip it.

Why it's done. If the roka is the groom's family accepting the match, the tilak is the bride's family accepting the groom. Her father, brothers and elders visit his home and mark his forehead with tilak as a sign of welcome and blessing. It is mainly a UP custom, and families explain and practise it differently.

• Fix the tilak date with both families' pandits

  Tilak is usually held at the groom's home, sometimes at a temple. Agree the date and time with both sides.

  6 weeks beforeGroom's familyRitual
• Book the pandit for the tilak puja

  Confirm whether the pandit brings the samagri or gives you a list.

  4 weeks beforeGroom's family₹5k–20k (approx., platform rates)Booking
• Choose the groom's tilak outfit

  A kurta-pyjama or bandhgala is usual. Keep the sherwani for the wedding.

  3 weeks beforeGroom's familyClothes & jewellery
• Arrange travel for the bride's male relatives

  Book cars or tickets for the father, brothers, mama and elders going to the groom's home.

  2 weeks beforeBride's familyTravel
• Arrange seating and a meal for the visiting relatives

  The groom's family usually hosts the tilak guests. A simple sit-down meal works well.

  2 weeks beforeGroom's familyFood
• Prepare the tilak thaal (ritual items only)

  Roli, rice, haldi, supari, a coconut and a kalash with mango leaves. Keep tilak to the puja itself; it is a blessing, not an exchange of goods.

  3 days beforeBride's familyRitual

A puja at the bride's home a few days before the wedding to seek blessings for a smooth wedding.

Why it's done. The Satyanarayan katha is a prayer where the family gathers to give thanks and seek blessings before the wedding begins. Listening to the katha together and sharing prasad starts the wedding days on a note of gratitude.

• Book the pandit for the katha

  Usually the same family pandit who will do the pheras. Confirm timing so it doesn't clash with other functions.

  4 weeks beforeBride's family₹5k–20k (approx., platform rates)Booking
• Get the katha samagri list from the pandit

  Kalash, banana leaves, panchamrit items, havan samagri and flowers. Ask what he brings and what you buy.

  10 days beforeBride's familyRitual
• Invite close relatives and neighbours

  A phone call or WhatsApp is enough. Keep the list small.

  7 days beforeBride's familyGuests
• Prepare the prasad (panjiri, panchamrit, fruit)

  Make extra prasad. Families often forget packets for neighbours and staff.

  1 day beforeBride's familyFood

An evening of songs and dances by both families. Older families keep a ladies' sangeet with dholak and folk songs; many now hold a bigger joint event with a DJ.

Why it's done. Sangeet is a night for both families to sing, dance and get to know each other before the wedding. Many families still keep a ladies' sangeet with the dholak and folk songs, while others hold a bigger evening for everyone.

• Book the DJ with sound and lights

  Check the hours, overtime rate and the 10 pm loudspeaker rule at your venue.

  5 months beforeBoth families₹50k–1.5L with sound and light (approx.)Music
• Book the choreographer

  Ask how many dances and rehearsals are included. Rehearsals usually start 4–8 weeks before.

  4 months beforeBoth families₹15k–50k basic; ₹1–2L high-end (approx.)Booking
• Book an anchor to host the evening

  A good anchor keeps the programme moving and involves elders. Share a run-sheet with names.

  4 months beforeBoth families₹25k–60k (approx.)Booking
• Fix the performance list and song edits

  Decide who dances on which song. Get the edited tracks to the DJ two weeks before.

  2 months beforeBoth familiesMusic
• Choose sangeet outfits for the couple and performers

  Pick outfits you can dance in. Coordinated colours for each family group look good in photos.

  2 months beforeBoth familiesClothes & jewellery
• Start dance rehearsals

  Fix 2–3 rehearsal slots a week. Families often forget to include grandparents in an easy group dance.

  6 weeks beforeBoth familiesMusic
• Arrange the dholak and singers for banna-banni geet

  Traditional wedding songs led by the women of the family. A local dholak player or the family's own singers.

  4 weeks beforeBoth familiesMusic
• Buy dance-safe shoes and break them in

  Comfortable juttis or block heels. Wear them at rehearsals so there are no blisters on the day.

  2 weeks beforeBoth familiesClothes & jewellery

Henna is applied on the bride's hands and feet, and for the women guests, with music and snacks.

Why it's done. Henna is applied on the bride's hands and feet at a festive gathering of the women of the family. A well-loved folk belief says the darker the colour, the more she will be loved in her new home, and hiding the groom's name or initials in the design is a playful tradition. Above all it is a relaxed day of music and togetherness before the wedding.

• Book the mehendi artist

  Ask for a team so guests don't wait. Confirm bridal design time (often 4–6 hours).

  3 months beforeBride's family₹25k–60k Delhi team (approx.)Booking
• Choose the bride's mehendi outfit

  Green or yellow is traditional. Pick something she won't need to change while the mehendi dries.

  2 months beforeBride's familyClothes & jewellery
• Do a henna patch test

  Test the artist's henna on a small spot to rule out allergies. Ask for natural henna, not black henna.

  4 weeks beforeBride's familyBeauty
• Plan the number of cones for guests

  Roughly 1–2 cones per guest plus the bridal cones. Tell the artist the head-count early.

  2 weeks beforeBride's familyLogistics
• Plan a chaat and snacks counter

  Finger food that guests can eat while their mehendi dries. Someone should feed the bride.

  2 weeks beforeBride's familyFood
• Arrange cushions, low seating and shade

  The bride sits for hours. Set up comfortable seating and good light for the artist.

  7 days beforeBride's familyDecor
• Ask the artist to hide the groom's name in the design

  A fun tradition: the groom later has to find his name in the bride's mehendi.

  3 days beforeBride's familyRitual
• Assign someone to feed the bride and give her water

  Families often forget that the bride can't use her hands for hours. Give one cousin this job.

  1 day beforeBride's familyLogistics

Haldi paste is applied on the bride by married women of the family with songs, to bless her and make her glow.

Why it's done. A turmeric paste is applied by the women of the family, with songs and blessings, to give a bridal glow. Many families see haldi as a blessing and a cleansing before the wedding. It is also one of the most joyful, messy family moments of the wedding.

• Arrange a dholak player or folk singers

  A dholak and haldi geet make the morning. Book a local player well before the peak dates.

  4 weeks beforeEach familyMusic
• Choose an old or yellow outfit for the bride

  Haldi stains. Pick something you don't mind spoiling, and stain-safe clothes for close family.

  2 weeks beforeBride's familyClothes & jewellery
• Arrange marigold decor and floor covering

  Cover floors and sofas with old sheets. Marigold and mango-leaf decor is enough.

  2 weeks beforeEach familyDecor
• Choose an old or yellow kurta for the groom

  Something that can be stained. Close family may also wear yellow.

  2 weeks beforeGroom's familyClothes & jewellery
• Invite the married women of the family

  Traditionally the married women apply the haldi and sing. Let them know the time early.

  7 days beforeBride's familyGuests
• Gather the haldi paste ingredients

  Haldi, besan, sandalwood, rose water and mustard oil. Ask an elder for the family's own recipe.

  3 days beforeEach familyRitual
• Plan snacks and tea for relatives

  Haldi mornings run long. Keep tea and snacks going.

  3 days beforeGroom's familyFood
• Plan a towel, bath and clean-up area

  The bride needs a bath and time to get ready for the next event. Keep spare towels ready.

  1 day beforeBride's familyLogistics
• Send haldi to the groom's home (if your family does this) optional

  In some families the haldi used for the bride is sent to the groom's home, or the other way round.

  1 day beforeBride's familyRitual

The groom's procession to the wedding venue: the groom on a ghodi or in a car, with band, dhol and dancing relatives.

Why it's done. The baraat is the groom's procession to the bride's home or venue, with his family and friends dancing to the band and dhol. It is his family's joyful arrival, and the bride's family welcomes them at the door, the first meeting of the two sides on the wedding day.

• Book the band and ghodi

  On peak muhurat dates bands sell out early. Get in writing: ghodi included or not, number of musicians, lights, hours and arrival time.

  6 months beforeGroom's family₹40k–1L standard band (approx.); ghodi extra in peak seasonBooking
• Order the groom's sherwani

  Custom sherwanis need about 3–4 months. Plan a fitting 2–3 weeks before the wedding.

  4 months beforeGroom's family₹8k–25k mid-market (approx.)Clothes & jewellery
• Book the dhol players

  An experienced baraat dhol player keeps the crowd moving.

  3 months beforeGroom's family₹10k–25k per experienced player (approx.)Music
• Buy the sehra, safa and groom's juttis

  Try the safa and sehra with the sherwani. Break in the juttis before the day.

  4 weeks beforeGroom's familyClothes & jewellery
• Order safas for the baraatis

  Count all the men walking in the baraat and add a few spare. Book someone to tie the safas on the day.

  3 weeks beforeGroom's familyClothes & jewellery
• Appoint a baraat coordinator

  One person who keeps time. Families often forget that a late baraat pushes the muhurat; plan a fixed departure time with buffer.

  2 weeks beforeGroom's familyLogistics
• Check the route, timing and fireworks rules

  Check the local loudspeaker cut-off (often 10 pm) and use only legal green crackers, if any.

  2 weeks beforeGroom's familyLogistics
• Plan the paricchavan and departure puja at home

  The groom's mother does a small puja and aarti before he leaves. The sister ties the sehra.

  7 days beforeGroom's familyRitual
• Keep chana and gur for the ghodi

  Sisters and cousins feed the mare before the groom mounts. Easy to forget on the day.

  1 day beforeGroom's familyRitual

The bride's family welcomes the baraat, then jaimala, kanyadaan, the seven pheras around the sacred fire and sindoor.

Why it's done. With Agni, the sacred fire, as witness, the couple circle the fire, a rite that goes back to the Grihya Sutras. In the oldest texts each of the seven steps is a blessing: nourishment, strength, wealth, comfort, children, the seasons and friendship. Families also use other versions of the seven promises. In kanyadaan the groom promises to stand by the bride in dharma, artha and kama; some couples make it a blessing from both sets of parents. The groom then applies sindoor in her parting as a sign of marriage.

• Confirm the wedding muhurat with the pandit

  Fix the muhurat before booking anything else. Peak season dates (mid-November to March) get booked fast.

  10 months beforeBride's family₹5k–20k (approx., platform rates)Ritual
• Order the bridal lehenga

  Order 6–9 months ahead; heavy embroidery takes 4–6 months. Add 1–2 months if it has to be shipped abroad.

  8 months beforeBride's family₹50k–1.5L middle-class range (approx.)Clothes & jewellery
• Go for the first fitting of the lehenga

  Take the wedding shoes and jewellery so the length and neckline can be set correctly.

  3 months beforeBride's familyClothes & jewellery
• Buy the mangalsutra, sindoor and bichhiya

  The groom's family usually brings these for the pheras.

  4 weeks beforeGroom's familyRitual
• Finish the final fitting and alterations

  Leave 2–3 weeks for last changes. Families often forget a backup blouse fitting.

  3 weeks beforeBride's familyClothes & jewellery
• Get the havan samagri list from the pandit

  Ask what the pandit brings and what you must buy: samagri, ghee, wood, granthi bandhan cloth and kanyadaan items.

  2 weeks beforeBride's familyRitual
• Order fresh jaimalas

  Order from the florist for delivery on the day. Keep a spare in case one breaks.

  7 days beforeBride's familyDecor
• Plan late-night tea and food for the couple and pandit

  Pheras often run past midnight. Families often forget that the couple hasn't eaten all evening.

  3 days beforeBride's familyFood
• Prepare the dwar puja aarti thaal

  The bride's mother welcomes the groom at the door with aarti and tilak.

  2 days beforeBride's familyRitual
• Keep comfortable backup shoes for the bride

  Uncomfortable shoes are one of the most common regrets. Keep flats under the mandap.

  2 days beforeBride's familyClothes & jewellery
• Plan joota chupai with the bride's sisters (optional) optional

  A playful game where the bride's sisters hide the groom's shoes. Keep it light and fun.

  1 day beforeBride's familyGifts

The bride's emotional farewell from her parents' home, usually early morning after the pheras.

Why it's done. Vidaai is the bride's farewell to her parents' home, a moment of both tears and blessings. As she leaves she throws rice over her head into the house; families traditionally explain this as thanks to her parents and a wish that their home always stays full, though explanations differ. Some families today see it as a farewell and a blessing rather than an ending.

• Arrange the decorated car and driver

  Decide which family arranges the car. Keep the driver's number with two people.

  3 weeks beforeBride's familyTravel
• Pack and label the bride's bags

  Pack clothes for the next few days and the reception outfit in a separate, clearly marked bag.

  3 days beforeBride's familyLogistics
• Keep rice or puffed rice for the vidaai ritual

  The bride throws rice back over her head as she leaves, wishing prosperity for her parents' home.

  1 day beforeBride's familyRitual
• Plan a quiet moment for close family

  Vidaai is emotional. Keep the area clear of crowds and arrange water and tissues.

  1 day beforeBride's familyLogistics

The bride's welcome into the groom's home: she gently tips over a kalash of rice with her foot and enters, followed by fun games and muh dikhai.

Why it's done. Griha pravesh is the bride's first welcome into her new home. She gently tips a pot of rice with her right foot as she enters, traditionally believed to bring abundance and good fortune, as the bride is welcomed like Lakshmi. Light-hearted games and muh dikhai, where the elders see the bride and bless her, help her feel at home.

• Decorate the entrance and the couple's room

  Simple flowers and lights. Families often forget to keep the room ready before the long day.

  3 days beforeGroom's familyDecor
• Prepare the rice kalash and aarti thaal

  A kalash filled with rice at the door, an aarti thaal and a plate of alta or kumkum water for her footprints.

  1 day beforeGroom's familyRitual
• Arrange the ring-in-milk and other games

  A bowl of milk with a ring for the couple to find. Keep it light; the couple will be tired.

  1 day beforeGroom's familyRitual
• Plan the muh dikhai with the women of the family (optional) optional

  Elders see the bride's face for the first time and bless her. Any gift is for the bride and entirely up to the family.

  1 day beforeGroom's familyGifts

A party hosted by the groom's family to introduce the bride to their friends and wider family.

Why it's done. The reception is a celebration where the groom's family introduces the couple to their friends, neighbours and wider family. It is not a religious rite; it is simply a chance for everyone, including those who could not attend the ceremonies, to meet the couple and bless them.

• Book the DJ or live band for the reception

  Many families keep softer live music for the first hour so elders can talk.

  4 months beforeGroom's family₹50k–1.5L with sound and light (approx.)Music
• Choose the couple's reception outfits

  Many brides wear a lighter lehenga or saree; the groom often wears a suit or bandhgala.

  3 months beforeGroom's familyClothes & jewellery
• Plan the stage decor and couple's seating

  Guests come to the stage to bless the couple. Keep chairs comfortable and the backdrop photo-friendly.

  6 weeks beforeGroom's familyDecor
• Invite and seat the bride's family

  Reserve tables for the bride's parents and close relatives and make sure someone receives them.

  2 weeks beforeGroom's familyGuests
• Plan a short welcome by the groom's parents

  A few words introducing the bride and thanking the bride's family. Tell the anchor or DJ the timing.

  7 days beforeGroom's familyLogistics

The couple's first visit back to the bride's parents' home after the wedding, usually for a meal.

Why it's done. Pag phera is the bride's first visit back to her parents' home after the wedding, together with her husband, a few days later. It is marked by a family meal and blessings, and is a warm reminder that her bond with her parents' home continues.

• Fix the pag phera day with both families

  Usually the day after the wedding or within a few days. The bride's brother often comes to fetch the couple.

  2 weeks beforeBride's familyRitual
• Plan the pag phera lunch

  A home-cooked lunch with the bride's favourite dishes.

  3 days beforeBride's familyFood
• Arrange travel for the couple

  A car to bring the couple over and take them back.

  2 days beforeBride's familyTravel
• Bless the couple with a small gift (optional) optional

  Parents may give something to the couple. Entirely the family's choice.

  On the dayBride's familyGifts

• Start the bride's skincare routine

  Begin about six months out. Never try a first-ever facial in the last week.

  6 months beforeBride's familyBeauty
• Plan outfits for parents and siblings for each function

  Make a simple chart: who wears what, at which event. Families often forget the grandparents' outfits.

  4 months beforeBoth familiesClothes & jewellery
• Ask the pandit for the full list of pujas and timings

  Get one written schedule with each puja, its time and its samagri, so both homes prepare in time.

  4 weeks beforeBoth familiesRitual
• Book the groom's haircut trial and final cut

  Trial haircut 3–4 weeks before, final cut and clean-up about a week before.

  4 weeks beforeGroom's familyBeauty
• Make a family photo list

  Names of grandparents, mama-mami, bua-phupha and cousins to photograph. Missing family portraits is a common regret.

  2 weeks beforeBoth familiesLogistics
• Steam and pack outfits in a bag per function

  One labelled bag per function with outfit, jewellery, shoes and safety pins.

  7 days beforeBride's familyLogistics