Christian wedding checklist

Rings are exchanged before family. In Kerala the manasammatham is often held in church.

Why it's done. The engagement is when the couple and their families publicly say yes to the marriage. In Kerala it is often the manasammatham, held in church, where the couple are formally asked for their consent. The church treats this free consent as very important.

• Book the church or hall for the engagement

  If the betrothal is in church, book it with the parish office along with the wedding date.

  2 months beforeBoth familiesBooking
• Buy the rings

  Allow 3–6 weeks if the rings are engraved or made to order.

  6 weeks beforeBoth familiesGifts
• Plan a small reception after the engagement

  Snacks or lunch for close family. Confirm the count a few days before.

  4 weeks beforeBoth familiesFood
• Plan outfits for the couple

  Decide early so tailoring is done in time.

  4 weeks beforeBoth familiesClothes & jewellery
• Start the banns before the betrothal (Syro-Malabar) optional

  In Syro-Malabar and Knanaya parishes the banns should begin before the betrothal. Ask your parish priest.

  3 weeks beforeBoth familiesLegal

A Goan Catholic custom on the eve of the wedding: the bride is anointed with coconut milk and turmeric, with music and snacks.

Why it's done. Roce is a Goan Catholic custom, often held after prayers, in which relatives anoint the bride with fresh coconut milk, sometimes mixed with oil or turmeric. It stands for purification, blessing and a fresh start. Today it is often playful, with music and family fun.

• Book a local band

  Music after 10 pm is not allowed in Goa, even at weddings. Plan to finish early.

  6 weeks beforeBride's familyMusic
• Ask the photographer to cover the roce

  Confirm the time and include it in the contract if it is a separate day.

  4 weeks beforeBride's familyLogistics
• Arrange snacks and drinks for guests

  Plan for neighbours and relatives who come over in the evening.

  7 days beforeBride's familyFood
• Prepare the coconut milk and turmeric mixture

  Ask the elders for your family's recipe. Keep old clothes and towels for the bride.

  1 day beforeBride's familyRitual

The groom's family holds its own roce on the eve of the wedding.

Why it's done. Roce is a Goan Catholic custom, often held after prayers, in which relatives anoint the groom with fresh coconut milk, sometimes mixed with oil or turmeric. It stands for purification, blessing and a fresh start. Today it is often playful, with music and family fun.

• Arrange music for the evening

  Finish loud music by 10 pm to stay within the rules.

  6 weeks beforeGroom's familyMusic
• Ask the photographer to cover the roce

  Confirm the time and include it in the contract if it is a separate day.

  4 weeks beforeGroom's familyLogistics
• Arrange snacks and drinks for guests

  Plan for neighbours and relatives who drop in.

  7 days beforeGroom's familyFood
• Prepare the coconut milk and turmeric mixture

  Keep old clothes and towels for the groom.

  1 day beforeGroom's familyRitual

A Kerala Christian sweet-feeding custom held at the homes on the eve of the wedding. Some families hold it before the betrothal instead.

Why it's done. Madhuram vaipu ("giving sweets") is a Kerala Christian custom held at each home on the eve of the wedding. Elders bless the bride or groom and feed them sweets as a wish for a sweet married life. It is a cultural custom, not part of the church liturgy.

• Fix the day with both families

  Sources and families differ on whether it comes before the betrothal or the wedding. Follow your family's practice.

  4 weeks beforeBoth familiesRitual
• Plan a small dinner for relatives

  Confirm the head count a few days before.

  2 weeks beforeBoth familiesFood
• Arrange music and seating

  Many families have traditional songs. Keep chairs for elders.

  2 weeks beforeBoth familiesDecor
• Order the sweets

  Order from a trusted bakery or make them at home with the elders.

  7 days beforeBoth familiesFood

A short run-through at the church so the couple, readers and attendants know where to stand.

Why it's done. A rehearsal is a practical step, not a rite. A short run-through at the church helps the couple, readers and attendants know where to stand and when, so everyone can be calm and present on the day.

• Fix a rehearsal time with the parish

  Ask the priest or sacristan when the church is free the evening before.

  4 weeks beforeBoth familiesBooking
• Tell the readers, best man and bridesmaids

  Share the time and ask them to bring their readings.

  2 weeks beforeBoth familiesGuests
• Print or share the order of service

  List the hymns, readings and readers so everyone knows when they come in. Check it with the priest first.

  7 days beforeBoth familiesRitual
• Bring the rings and the order of service

  Give the rings to one trusted person after the rehearsal.

  1 day beforeBoth familiesLogistics

The nuptial Mass or service, with vows, rings and signing of the register before two witnesses.

Why it's done. In the church, marriage is a sacred union, and in the Catholic tradition a sacrament. At its heart the couple freely give their consent before a priest (or minister) and two witnesses, and then sign the marriage register. In Kerala, the minnu and mantrakodi customs often follow after the liturgy; they are cultural customs, not part of the liturgy itself.

• Book the church and the priest

  Book 3–6 months ahead, often in the bride's parish. Ask about fees or offerings and their timings.

  6 months beforeBoth familiesBooking
• Order the bride's gown or wedding saree

  A white gown or a white or cream saree. Allow time for two fittings; final fitting 6–8 weeks before.

  6 months beforeBride's familyClothes & jewellery
• Ask the parish about flowers, confetti and photography

  Many churches limit decor, confetti and where photographers may stand. Share the rules with your decorator and photographer.

  3 months beforeBoth familiesDecor
• Book the choir and organist

  Choose the hymns with the choir leader and confirm the list a month before.

  3 months beforeBoth familiesMusic
• Order the groom's suit

  Allow 2–3 months for a tailored suit, with a fitting about a month before.

  3 months beforeGroom's familyClothes & jewellery
• Choose the best man, bridesmaids, flower girl and page boy

  Ask early so they can plan their outfits.

  3 months beforeBoth familiesGuests
• Arrange the minnu and mantrakodi (Kerala) optional

  In Kerala the groom's side brings the minnu and the mantrakodi saree for the bride. Follow your family's custom.

  2 months beforeGroom's familyGifts
• Choose the readings and readers

  Pick the readings with the priest and ask family members to read.

  6 weeks beforeBoth familiesRitual
• Buy the wedding rings

  Allow time for engraving and sizing.

  6 weeks beforeBoth familiesGifts
• Confirm two witnesses with ID

  Two witnesses sign the register along with the priest and the couple. Remind them to bring photo ID.

  2 weeks beforeBoth familiesLegal
• Prepare the offering to the church

  Ask the parish office what is customary and keep it in an envelope.

  7 days beforeBoth familiesMoney

Dinner, toasts, cake cutting and dancing, usually the same evening.

Why it's done. The reception is a social celebration rather than a religious rite. It gives friends, colleagues and the wider circle a relaxed chance to meet the newly married couple, share a meal and give their blessings.

• Book the reception hall

  Book 8–12 months ahead for peak dates. Ask about power backup, parking and the music cut-off.

  8 months beforeBoth families₹1–5L mid-rangeBooking
• Book the caterer and do a tasting

  Taste the menu before you sign and ask what is included.

  6 months beforeBoth families₹500–2,500 per plateFood
• Book a band or DJ

  Get the end time and overtime rate in writing. Plan the first dance early in the evening.

  5 months beforeBoth families₹50k–1.5L with sound and lightMusic
• Order the wedding cake

  Do a tasting and confirm the size for your guest count.

  6 weeks beforeBoth familiesFood
• Apply for a bar licence if serving alcohol optional

  Depends on your state and whether the hall already has a licence. Apply about 15 days ahead if needed.

  2 weeks beforeBoth familiesLegal
• Plan the toasts and speeches

  Ask two or three people to speak and keep each toast short.

  2 weeks beforeBoth familiesGuests

• Get fresh baptism certificates from both parishes

  Each partner asks their home parish for a recent baptism certificate and a letter from the parish priest. Many parishes want certificates issued within the last six months; confirm with the wedding parish.

  5 months beforeBoth familiesLegal
• Apply for a dispensation if inter-church or interfaith optional

  If one partner is from another church or faith, ask your priest about permission early; it can take time.

  5 months beforeBoth familiesLegal
• Book and attend the marriage preparation course

  Courses fill up, so book 2–3 months ahead. They take 2–3 days; keep the certificate safe. Rules vary by diocese.

  3 months beforeBoth familiesRitual
• Complete the prenuptial enquiry with the priest

  Bring baptism certificates, the course certificate and ID. Ask your parish what else it needs.

  3 months beforeBoth familiesLegal
• Have the banns read in both parishes

  Banns are read on three Sundays in each partner's parish. Make sure the banns certificate reaches the wedding parish in time.

  2 months beforeBoth familiesLegal
• File the Goa civil declaration before the church wedding optional

  In Goa, file a declaration with the taluka Civil Registrar before the church wedding, within a month of your residence certificate being issued. Bring IDs and witnesses.

  6 weeks beforeBoth familiesLegal
• Give notice of marriage to the minister (Protestant) optional

  Under the Christian Marriage Act the notice names the church, a declaration follows at least 4 days later, and the minister's certificate is valid for two months. Do not file too early. Ask your pastor.

  6 weeks beforeBoth familiesLegal
• Register the marriage after the church wedding

  Outside Goa, a church wedding alone may not be a civil registration, as in Kerala. Register with the local body or registrar in the weeks after, with the church certificate, IDs, photos and witnesses.

  On the dayBoth familiesLegal