Bihari and Maithil wedding checklist

The engagement at the bride's home: a Ganesh puja and ring exchange on a date fixed by the pandit or astrologer.

Why it's done. Cheka, also called barichha, is the engagement that formally ties the two families to the match. It usually begins with a Ganesh puja, as Ganesha is invoked so that the wedding goes ahead without obstacles, followed by the ring exchange. Customs vary by family and region.

• Order the rings

  Allow 3–6 weeks for custom rings plus resizing.

  5 weeks beforeBride's familyClothes & jewellery
• Confirm the cheka date with the pandit

  Many families fix the date by the stars. Ask him to shortlist wedding dates too.

  4 weeks beforeBride's family₹5k–20k (approx., platform rates)Ritual
• Choose cheka outfits for the couple and parents

  Festive but light.

  3 weeks beforeBride's familyClothes & jewellery
• Plan the cheka lunch or dinner

  A homely meal for the groom's family and close relatives.

  2 weeks beforeBride's familyFood
• Prepare the Ganesh puja samagri

  Ask the pandit for the list: kalash, roli, rice, flowers, sweets.

  3 days beforeBride's familyRitual
• Exchange shagun and blessings (optional) optional

  Both families may bless the couple. Keep it simple and two-way.

  On the dayBride's familyGifts

For Maithil families: a panjikar checks the Panji genealogy records of both families before the wedding is confirmed.

Why it's done. In Maithil families, a panjikar consults the Panji, the community's genealogy records, to check that the bride and groom are not closely related. Only after this check is the wedding confirmed, which is why families treat it as a careful first step.

• Find and book the panjikar

  Ask elders for the family's panjikar. Allow time to travel to him with family details.

  4 weeks beforeBoth familiesBooking
• Collect both families' genealogy details

  Names of ancestors on both sides for several generations, as the panjikar asks.

  3 weeks beforeBoth familiesRitual
• Arrange the meeting of both families with the panjikar

  Usually the fathers or elders attend.

  7 days beforeBoth familiesTravel
• Note the siddhant result for the pandit

  Share it with the purohit before fixing the wedding date.

  On the dayBoth familiesRitual

The bride's brother, father, mama and male elders travel to the groom's home, where the brother applies tilak to accept the groom.

Why it's done. With the tilak, the bride's family formally accepts the groom: her brother, father and elders travel to his home and mark his forehead as a sign of welcome and blessing. Practice varies by family and region.

• Fix the tilak date with both pandits

  Tilak is held at the groom's home, weeks or months before the wedding.

  6 weeks beforeGroom's family₹5k–20k (approx., platform rates)Ritual
• Book the pandit for the tilak puja

  Confirm who brings the samagri.

  4 weeks beforeGroom's family₹5k–20k (approx., platform rates)Booking
• Choose the groom's tilak outfit

  A kurta or bandhgala; keep the sherwani for the wedding.

  3 weeks beforeGroom's familyClothes & jewellery
• Arrange travel for the bride's male relatives

  Cars or tickets for the father, brothers, mama and elders.

  2 weeks beforeBride's familyTravel
• Arrange seating and a meal for the visiting relatives

  The groom's family hosts the tilak guests.

  2 weeks beforeGroom's familyFood
• Prepare the tilak thaal (ritual items only)

  Roli, rice, haldi, supari, a coconut and a gaggara with mango leaves. Keep tilak to the blessing itself.

  3 days beforeBride's familyRitual

A puja at the bride's home a few days before the wedding, with a kalash and havan.

Why it's done. The Satyanarayan katha is a prayer where the family gathers to give thanks and seek blessings before the wedding begins. Listening to the katha together and sharing prasad starts the wedding days on a note of gratitude.

• Book the pandit for the katha

  Confirm timing so it doesn't clash with matkor or haldi.

  4 weeks beforeBride's family₹5k–20k (approx., platform rates)Booking
• Get the katha samagri list

  Kalash, banana leaves, panchamrit items and havan samagri.

  10 days beforeBride's familyRitual
• Invite close relatives and neighbours

  A phone call is enough.

  7 days beforeBride's familyGuests
• Prepare prasad (panjiri, panchamrit, fruit)

  Make extra for neighbours.

  1 day beforeBride's familyFood

Women of the family, led by the bua and married sisters, go out with songs to dig sacred earth used to build the wedding chulha or havan hearth.

Why it's done. Matkor comes from matti (earth) and kor (digging). Women of the family go out with songs to dig earth, which is used to build the altar or hearth for the wedding fire. Many families see it as inviting Mother Earth's blessing on the marriage.

• Book a band or dholak for the procession

  A small band or dholak leads the women singing matkor geet.

  4 weeks beforeEach familyMusic
• Fix the matkor time with the elders

  Usually 1–2 days before the wedding, often in the evening.

  2 weeks beforeEach familyRitual
• Invite the bua and married sisters to lead

  Families often forget to confirm that the bua will be there on the day; she traditionally leads the rite.

  2 weeks beforeEach familyGuests
• Arrange clay pots, a spade and a decorated basket

  Ask the bua or eldest married woman what your family uses.

  3 days beforeEach familyRitual
• Plan snacks and tea for the women

  A light spread after they return.

  2 days beforeEach familyFood

Haldi paste is applied on the bride at home, after haldi kutai, with songs and the chumawan blessing.

Why it's done. Turmeric paste is applied with songs by the women of the family, to bless the bride or groom and give a bridal glow. In chumawan, elders bless the couple with rice and dubh grass; in Mithila it is done by five women while the Durwakshata mantra is chanted for the couple's blessing.

• Book the mehendi artist

  Ask for a team for guests. The bride's mehendi is often sent from the groom's house.

  3 months beforeBride's family₹25k–60k team (approx., Delhi rates)Booking
• Arrange women singers or a dholak for haldi geet

  Traditional Bhojpuri, Magahi or Maithili songs make the morning.

  4 weeks beforeEach familyMusic
• Choose an old or yellow outfit for the bride

  Something that can be stained. Close family may also wear yellow.

  2 weeks beforeBride's familyClothes & jewellery
• Choose an old or yellow outfit for the groom

  Something that can be stained. Close family may also wear yellow.

  2 weeks beforeGroom's familyClothes & jewellery
• Hold the aam-mahu vivah, if your family is Maithil optional

  A symbolic marriage of a mango and a mahua tree, held in the bride's village or symbolically at home.

  7 days beforeBride's familyRitual
• Gather the haldi paste ingredients

  Haldi, besan, mustard oil and rose water. Ask an elder for the family recipe.

  3 days beforeEach familyRitual
• Arrange haldi kutai (pounding turmeric) with five married women

  Five married women pound the turmeric with songs before it is applied.

  2 days beforeEach familyRitual
• Exchange haldi with the groom's home

  In many Bihari families the haldi (and the bride's mehendi) is sent from one home to the other.

  1 day beforeBride's familyRitual
• Plan chumawan with rice and dubh grass

  Five women touch rice to the feet, knees and shoulders and then the head, as a blessing.

  1 day beforeEach familyRitual
• Exchange haldi with the bride's home

  In many Bihari families the haldi (and the bride's mehendi) is sent from one home to the other.

  1 day beforeGroom's familyRitual

After paricchavan, the groom's mother's puja at home, the baraat sets off with band and family to the bride's home.

Why it's done. The baraat is the groom's procession with his family to the bride's home. Before he leaves, his mother blesses him with a puja at home, and at the bride's door her family welcomes him, the first meeting of the two sides on the wedding day.

• Book the band

  Peak lagan dates sell out. Get musicians, lights, hours and arrival time in writing.

  6 months beforeGroom's family₹40k–1L standard band (approx.)Booking
• Order the groom's sherwani or dhoti-kurta

  Custom pieces need 3–4 months; final fitting 2–3 weeks before.

  4 months beforeGroom's family₹8k–25k mid-market (approx.)Clothes & jewellery
• Buy the groom's maur or paag

  Bihari grooms wear a maur (crown); Maithil grooms and male relatives wear the paag. Count paags for all close men.

  4 weeks beforeGroom's familyClothes & jewellery
• Appoint a baraat coordinator

  Families often forget that a late baraat pushes the lagan. Fix a departure time with buffer.

  2 weeks beforeGroom's familyLogistics
• Check the route, noise cut-off and fireworks rules

  Use only legal green crackers, if any. Loudspeakers usually must stop by 10 pm.

  2 weeks beforeGroom's familyLogistics
• Plan the paricchavan puja at home

  The groom's mother does puja and aarti before he leaves.

  7 days beforeGroom's familyRitual

The groom is welcomed at the door (dwar puja / parichhan), then jaimala, kanyadaan, saat phere and sindoor daan, often in the kohbar room.

Why it's done. In Maithil weddings the groom is first welcomed in parichhan, where the bride's female relatives ask him playful, practical questions with songs. With Agni as witness the couple take the pheras, and in sindoor daan the groom applies sindoor in the bride's parting, often seen as the most significant moment. It is often done in the kohbar, a room painted by the women of the family where the family deity is installed.

• Confirm the wedding lagan with the pandit

  Fix the lagan before booking anything else. Lagan dates in the season fill fast.

  10 months beforeBride's family₹5k–20k (approx., platform rates)Ritual
• Order the bride's Banarasi saree or lehenga

  Red or yellow (piyari) is traditional. Heavy work takes 4–6 months.

  8 months beforeBride's family₹50k–1.5L middle-class range (approx.)Clothes & jewellery
• Book the kohbar painter

  A Madhubani artist or the women of the family paint the kohbar wall or canvas. Allow 2–4 weeks before the wedding.

  4 weeks beforeBride's familyBooking
• Book the aripan floor-art artist

  Aripan rice-paste designs go on the floor of the kohbar and mandap.

  4 weeks beforeBride's familyDecor
• Arrange women singers for parichhan geet

  Women of the bride's side greet and tease the groom with songs at parichhan.

  4 weeks beforeBride's familyMusic
• Finish the final fitting

  Take the shoes and jewellery along.

  3 weeks beforeBride's familyClothes & jewellery
• Get the havan samagri list from the pandit

  Ghee, samagri, wood, kanyadaan items and sindoor.

  2 weeks beforeBride's familyRitual
• Plan late-night tea and food for the couple

  Rites often run late into the night.

  3 days beforeBride's familyFood
• Set up the kohbar room with the family deity pot

  An earthen pot for the kuldevta and the painted wall. At a hired venue, families often forget to keep this room for the full four days.

  2 days beforeBride's familyRitual
• Prepare the dwar puja aarti thaal

  The bride's mother welcomes the groom at the door.

  2 days beforeBride's familyRitual
• Plan naina-jogin and other games (optional) optional

  Light-hearted games, such as the groom finding the bride by touch under a cloth.

  1 day beforeBride's familyRitual

The bride's farewell from her parents' home. In Maithil families the groom often stays until chaturthi.

Why it's done. Vidaai is the bride's farewell to her parents' home, full of tears and blessings. Throwing rice as she leaves is traditionally explained as thanks to her parents and a wish that their home always stays full. In Maithil families the formal departure comes with samdaun songs about her bond with her family. Some families today see it as a farewell and a blessing rather than an ending.

• Arrange the decorated car and driver

  Decide which family arranges the car.

  3 weeks beforeBride's familyTravel
• Arrange women singers for samdaun geet (optional) optional

  The traditional farewell songs of Mithila.

  7 days beforeBride's familyMusic
• Pack and label the bride's bags

  Keep outfits for the next days in a clearly marked bag.

  3 days beforeBride's familyLogistics
• Keep rice for the vidaai ritual

  The bride throws rice back over her head as she leaves.

  1 day beforeBride's familyRitual

The bride is welcomed into the groom's home; the mother-in-law lifts her veil and blesses her in muh dikhai.

Why it's done. The bride is welcomed into her new home, often gently tipping a pot of rice as she enters, traditionally believed to bring abundance and good fortune. In muh dikhai an elder woman lifts her veil and introduces her to the family, and she receives their blessings.

• Decorate the entrance and the couple's room

  Keep the room ready before the wedding day.

  3 days beforeGroom's familyDecor
• Plan chauka chulai, the bride's first cooking (optional) optional

  In a few days the bride cooks a sweet dish in her new kitchen.

  3 days beforeGroom's familyRitual
• Prepare the rice kalash and aarti thaal

  Kalash at the door, aarti and alta water for her footprints.

  1 day beforeGroom's familyRitual
• Plan the muh dikhai with the women of the family (optional) optional

  The mother-in-law and elders bless the bride. Any gift is for the bride and up to the family.

  1 day beforeGroom's familyGifts

Many families now hold a reception at the groom's town to introduce the bride.

Why it's done. The reception is a celebration where the groom's family introduces the couple to their friends, neighbours and wider family. It is not a religious rite; it is simply a chance for everyone, including those who could not attend the ceremonies, to meet the couple and bless them.

• Book music for the reception

  A DJ or live singers; softer music early for the elders.

  4 months beforeGroom's family₹50k–1.5L DJ with sound and light (approx.)Music
• Choose the couple's reception outfits

  A lighter saree or lehenga for the bride, a suit or bandhgala for the groom.

  3 months beforeGroom's familyClothes & jewellery
• Plan the stage decor and couple's seating

  Comfortable chairs and a photo-friendly backdrop.

  6 weeks beforeGroom's familyDecor
• Reserve tables for the bride's family

  Make sure someone receives the bride's parents personally.

  2 weeks beforeGroom's familyGuests

Maithil rite on the fourth day after the wedding; traditionally the marriage is not complete without it.

Why it's done. In Maithil tradition a wedding is only considered complete after the chaturthi rites on the fourth day, and the groom often stays at the bride's home until then. Families explain its history differently; today it is the closing set of prayers and blessings for the couple.

• Keep the purohit booked for chaturthi

  Families often forget to book the purohit for day four when they book the wedding.

  2 months beforeBride's familyBooking
• Keep the kohbar room until chaturthi

  If the wedding is at a hired venue, book the kohbar room for four days.

  4 weeks beforeBride's familyLogistics
• Get the chaturthi samagri list

  Ask the purohit early; some items are specific to Mithila.

  10 days beforeBride's familyRitual
• Plan meals for the couple and family

  A simple family meal after the rite.

  3 days beforeBride's familyFood

• Start the bride's skincare routine

  Begin about six months out. Never a first-ever facial in the final week.

  6 months beforeBride's familyBeauty
• Plan outfits for parents and siblings for each function

  Make a simple chart; families often forget the grandparents.

  4 months beforeBoth familiesClothes & jewellery
• Make a family photo list including bua and mama's families

  Missing portraits with grandparents and cousins is a common regret.

  2 weeks beforeBoth familiesLogistics
• Fix the duragaman date with the purohit (Maithil, optional) optional

  Some Maithil families mark the bride's formal move to her new home on a later auspicious date.

  On the dayBoth familiesRitual
• Plan pag pher, the couple's first visit to the bride's home optional

  Usually a few days after the wedding, with a family meal.

  On the dayBride's familyRitual